we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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