White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
