I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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