EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I've blown a few things in my day
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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