if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
