I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
