this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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