I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
