I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize