sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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