'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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