i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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