It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
