I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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