My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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