How's work?
Spinning.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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