I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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