I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize