Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
