cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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