I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
