doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
