3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
