:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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