The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
