Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Randomize
