well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
