When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
