I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
