didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
