i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
