I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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