I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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