Your tits are I can't wait for
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
