I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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