Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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