Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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