my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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