Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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