You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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