I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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