I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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