sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
