he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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