I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
