shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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