I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
