youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
