I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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