Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
