No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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