I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
