Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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