If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
NoShamevember. You game?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
