That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
