dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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