maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
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Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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