Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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