who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
