I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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