so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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