you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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