in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
