You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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