You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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