Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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