that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
