Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
