Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
