He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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